LaM is having yet another cyber face lift. It might take a while to get everything where it needs to go, but we’re working on it. Thanks for being patient. Valentines Day is coming up, so let’s not forget about our laMie Friends. A card goes a long way!
Much Love and loads of HTML
Malena

My friend from Iceland, Hera, sent me this picture of Brjann. He is her friend and she just made him a new vest, as it is apparently a very cold summer in New Zealand ( where she is currently living ). Now I just need to get up the courage to write her and ask is Brjann a, well, what exactly IS Brjann? Not that I care, I love him already, and if I ever get another, hmmm, PET, that’s what I want.

Hera is Hera Hjartardottir ( www.herasings.com ) if you haven’t heard her music, go, you folks , and get some cd’s. She is wonderful. She sings in both English and Icelandic, and if I can flatter myself by saying that I know your taste in music, I know that you will love what she does. She isn’t as well known here in America as she is in the rest of the world YET, but that will be changing soon. I’m currently making a list of her songs Malena and I SO have to cover in concert. ( the title song off her latest cd ” Don’t Play This” being the first one! )

Paul and I are playng a new club Saturday night called McGarry’s Pub. ( 5109 East Main St. Maple Plain, MN 55359 Phone 763-479-4031 Saturday the 27th 8 to Mindnight ) I don’t know what it’s like, or where exactly it is, but I do know we are playing there. I suppose I might have mentioned this a bit earlier in the week, but these things can get away from one sometimes. Paul says he has about six new songs and we Promise not to do the Unicorn Song more than once, and then only if we can’t get out of it.

( for those of you who missed us at Charlie’s last week, we were, uh, I am going with FORCED, to play the thing twice and it was only my putting a $100 price on the thing that prevented a third time )

Ah, art……

I have been having great fun watching TOP CHEF lately. Love that show, despite the fact my two favourite Chef’s got voted off last week. They get a theme, ingrediant, situation ect. and have to prepare dishes and then are judged on creativity, use of theme, food and such. They also get handicapped in some way, such as having to use Kraft products, canned food or vending machines.

Tomorrow I am faced with my own version of Top Chef. I think I will call it ” Top Closet” ( or maybe ” In the Closet” ? ) Only instead of food, it’s What To Wear. I can just hear the host of my show now ( Who is hosting, hmm….) ” Ok, Fashionistas, today’s challenge is to put together an outfit that will go from backstage at a Justin Timberlake concert, to the movie Blood and Chocolate, dinner at someplace unknown and then off to do a gig ( where you will have to haul and set up PA in nearly zero weather ) and play a show in a place you have never seen before and know nothing about. You will be judged on suitability, creativity, looks and WEATHER or not you freeze or sweat to death. Oh, and just to make it interesting, you will not have done laundry in two weeks and your best pieces will not be available!”

To The Closets!!!!!

Help Malena!

You all realize , don’t you , that having posted this on the internet, some young and savvy TV exec will see it, and this darn show WILL be in BRAVO next season.

I could win. I could.

Malena will host.

Music, Iceland, Magic and Sassy Pants,
Lorraine

Well, this is not that interesting of a blog. I just missed you all and wanted to say hi. I’ve been going going going thse days. A photoshoot sooooths my head. I seem to be getting this undead thing down to a science. Miles is doing the sequel to “Demon Hunter” as you know. “Vampire Hunter” is coming along quite nicely. I got to play the dead victim again. No one would believe it, but my day goes something like this…

wake up at 6, get my Bean ready for school
get packages ready to send off
answer emails
go to the famer’s market
come home, make dinner
read sides from the movie I’m working on/auditioning for
go to improv
go to dance class (music videos)
email Fablo at least 5 times
do a photoshoot with Miles as a Vampire Queen (or an innocent victim who becomes one)
Not to mention dishes and laundry. …oh and yoga it there’s time.
Otherwise, I go hiking in the woods at night. I always tell Miles and Bean,
“Don’t worry, I’m the scariest thing out there.”
(I go incognito like a badly dressed, pissed off security gaurd)

What a day I’ve had. It’s been lovely though. The farmers market was great. Lots of fresh healthy food. I had time to think about what I wanted to do for these videos. I have to say, I can’t be a righteous ass kicken babe in all of them. This has been a hard reality for me to accept. I always fantasize about sneaking around in a catsuit with guns strapped on my legs… That and being a fairy are top on the list. Could I seem more multiple personality disorder to you? Hee hee

All the songs I write are about fairies or viscious dead tortured things. Lorraine however is quite the songwriter/poet.. Me, I sing and shake my ass. As you can see here, I was doing it as the tender age of about 4. I haven’t changed much have I?

Quick little note since I seem to be still awake and Ellen seems to be on in a few minutes, she’s great for winding down after a show. The show tonight was HOT. Johnny from the Malloys showed up and was easily talked Into coming up and doing a few songs, which turned into the rest of the night. I got one 20 minute break in four hours! But the crowd loved it and I loved it. We did an amazing version of U2’s Running to Stand Still , one of the greatest songs ever written, in my humble opinion.

Now OUTSIDE was NOT hot. According to Prius, it was ONE. For those of you in warmer climes, that is really cold. I told Miss Kitty, who is coming to visit me, delightful thing that, to bring everything she owns and I would loan her the rest. I have arranged a snowstorm for her too, day if arrival. Good aren’t I??

She is also going to bring me some PANTS, which I need badly. I got to wear my cool gothy pants to the show, but even they are falling down, if I may brag a little!

Not much else tonight, I listen to the BBC on the way home from shows, as I can’t listen to music after playing all night. If anyone needs to know anything about Diseases of the Brazil Nut ( which I am sure is an important thing to people somewhere ) just ask. Half an hour of the Brazil Nut.

I may be nuts! Ellen is on, as is my fire. Hope you are all warm.

‘Night,
Lorraine

I spent the weekend doing my first long distance cross country drive. I had never done this before, 10 hours in a car, and I have to say it was really , really fun. Me and Sister #2 went down to Indiana to see Sister #1 and I have learned many valuable lessons. How to find food. How NOT to pick a hotel. ( they were nearly sold out, and gave us the ” Jacuzzi Suite” which would have been fun had it not been 3 in the morning and me and my sister ) I have learned what it means when people say ” The Wind Was Howling ” ( all darn night in Hotel Hell ) And I have learned how far Prius can go on Empty ( LONG way , fortunately )

We went fossil hunting and I now have a fine collection of really weird little things and I got to see my first covered bridge. ( always wanted to see one )

I think everyone ought to go on a cross country drive. It sounds silly, I know, but I feel more confident, and stronger and like I can handle anything life throws at me. It was a healing sort of trip. I feel like I can do anything and go anywhere. Without a plane and someone to pick me up. Nice metaphor that, without someone to pick me up.

AND I made it back home before the first real snowstorm of the season. Barely.

Some nice kids showed up this morning offering to dig out my steps, drive and sidewalk, depriving me of the opportunity to get a nice workout, but since they did not dig out the car, I am off now to do that. Hope your day is as fine.

Love, driving and snow,
Lorraine

It’s so nice to be HOME!!
January is all about cleaning and sorting at the TEVES house. We are moving furniture around and throwing things away we don’t need. I’m certain this will result in Malena Merch. gifts very soon. I would rather give my sample corsets away to my friends/fans than to sell them on Ebay. It gives people a chance to own things that they couldn’t afford otherwise. My postman guy is starting to wonder what I do for a living. (I always come in with a load of corsets and lacey things to send out when I get my fan mail.) I reassured him that I am NOT a retired dominatrix.
Can you imagine? I’d hit the guy and say, “Oh! I’m so sorry! Did I hurt you?” It just wouldn’t work. I am too soft hearted.

Fablo and I are gearing up for a trip to Boston this spring, God willing! We will be filming some music videos. This means we are both dieting like mad for the camera. (Hollywood translation=a size 4) So, as long as I can fit into my leather catsuit, I’m good to go. Taking it off will be another story, but, I’m sure we can find someone to help. (I’m joking of course!!!) I’m taking my new digital camcorder so we can film “behind the scenes footage” for all of you. That’s where you will see us being silly. I’ll even bring out my Golem voice, and the dirty chipmunks too!
I hear those crazy chipmunks will be making an appearance on the extra footage of American Scary. I always do the stupidest things, thinking no one will see them and they always do! Kind of like when you’re a little kid and you pick your nose when no one is watching. Gross, but true.

Miles is working on the movie, “The case of Benjamin Button” with Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett.
He says Brad is actually a very down to earth guy. No entourage, etc. Brad just drives up on his Ducati motorcycle ready to work. (I just like him because he’s married to Angelina.) I’m not the pretty boy type. I like manly MEN like…Mr. Gorgeous! I always wanted a guy that had a bigger waist size than me. Even if it is only two inches. I finally got my wish. I went to the studio today to take Miles some tools. Everyone commented on my new skinny behind. I’m getting ready to film some things so I had to lose TWENTY FIVE, yes 25 pounds. Not to worry though, I always look the same on camera. (I won’t look like Kate Moss with a wig on.)

Overall, we had a wonderful holiday. I traveled a little too much, but it was well worth it. Here’s a pic of me taking a break from snow boarding.
I’m wearing my Mom’s coat, my sister’s sweater, and a pair of wal-mart pants. Yes, it was a new experience for me. I loved it though. I found the hard part was not going down the hill, it was climbing back up!

I’d like to publicly thank everyone who sent us cards and gifts. I’m trying to keep up with you all! I’m glad you are thinking of us because, we are always thinking of you!

Music and Magic,
Malena

On the way to the show last night , listening to MPR. I heard about a wonderful new thing. Truly. This IS America , Folks! It seems that 20 to 40% of the DOGS in this country are obese. So the FDA has just approved Slentrol . To help your DOG lose weight.

Hello??? Am I the only one here who is baffled? I mean, it’s your dog. Feed it right. Talk it for a walk. Yes? I don’t have a dog ( yet ) but it would seem to me that one of the reasons for having a dog is to take it for walks with you. Almost a fitness AID. Sort of an extra added boost to get you out of the house and walking.

A diet drug for dogs.

MPR is fun, don’t get me wrong, they were simply reporting on the event, not advocating it. ( And who can forget last week, on the way to the New Years Eve Show, where they did an entire hour on the Doctor who invented the Lobotomy, kind of a funny ironic New Years piece if you think about it. )

The gig last night was beyond fun, I think we took a total of 20 minutes break in the four hour show, so many people having so much fun, myself not the least. Can’t wait for tonight, we are going as pirates, complete with flags and shirts and all sorts of really bad pirate jokes. I don’t know why we are doing this, just that it seemed like a good idea at the time ( shows what sober can do, hee-hee ! )

Other than that I am working out and eating right and getting ready to shoot some video in the spring, all very exciting and a very new thing for me. Am I perfect? Do I manage the workout every day? Eating only lean meat and veggies? Nope. No way. Can’t happen. Went on a pasta jones for BREAKFAST this morning. But did I eat the whole box with an entire stick of butter? ( trust me, I can do it. Won’t even blink, I’m a pro ) Nope. One serving. With veggie sauce.

And am I happy with myself ?

You bet.

Now I am off to play my violin and save the dogs of America.

Love and Pirates,
Lorraine

Ok, ok, I know we have been here before, most likely last year, but here comes a rant!!!!!!!

I have recently just got cable TV and being new to it, I am watching everything from Cops to SVU to Roseanne and some truly bizarre things. ( tho I kind of liked ” In Search Of The Vampire” complete with really bad reenactment ) It being the New Year and the time of starting to diet and get fit and such, every other commercial is about the Next New Plan.

I think it was the Nurti System commercial that finally got me. The lovely model comes on and says ” LOOK I AM A SIZE 2 ” I LOST 30 POUNDS and I AM A SIZE 2″ Hello? Is that something to shoot for? 30 pounds to a size 2 sounds like she started out at about, oh a size 6? Perhaps an 8?????

Then there was the add in People. The entire issue was devoted to Half their Size. Very good, people who were truly overweight losing weight because they needed to. I applaud them. They did it right , and needed to get thinner and changed their lives. But right in the middle of this was the add ” MIKE COULD NOT COOK UNTIL HE FOUND HORMEL CHILI. NOW HE PUTS DOWN THE CHIPS AND A CAN OF CHILI AND COVERS IT WITH CHEESE , INTO THE MICROWAVE AND EVERYONE LOVES IT, THE KIDS, AND MIKE LOVES TO SIT IN HIS CHAIR IN FRONT OF THE TV AND EATS IT UP!!!!!” ( real add, folks )

And good ‘ol Special victims Unit, which is a show I like. Two detectives, a women ( Benson ) and Stabler ( man ). I could not help but notice that in one episode Stabler was, well, heavy looking. Not fat, and most likely in real life quite normal. Benson? Thin as a rail and I wondered what would have happened had it been the women gained the weight.

We know something about that from our Malena and how thin she has to be in order to work. ( has she ever been as ” heavy” as say, a size 10????? I don’t think so ) I know in Hollywood if you are a woman and want to work, you have to be really underweight. This is crazed. I know there are a lot of places that help people lose weight, people who need to , but women are being so pressured to be thin that the message is if you are a size 12, you are too fat. This is crazed.

I can remember being aged 11 and my mother telling me if I “got down” to 95 pounds , she would buy me a bikini. ( I was 5′3 and 105 ) I remember being a figure skater at 15 and being told I could really go somewhere if I lost some weight. ( 5′5 and 130, all of it muscle ) What kind of message are we sending to kids????? Or ourselves? I have always thought I was fat. Even at 5′6 and 145. I thought if only I was thin, everything would be alright and better.

It’s still going on and is worse than ever. I hear from young girls all the time asking me if they are too fat or if this makes them look fat. Most are fine. Some are not. And these poor kids live on junk food. And they feel hopeless, unwanted, and ugly, but have no idea how to fix anything. SO they fall prey to the fad diets, the adds, and unrealistic expectations and fail again and again.

I quit drinking after Thanksgiving. ( trust me, I had a problem , won’t ever go back there, but that’s another blog ) Best thing I ever did and I am happier than I have been in a really long time. I am learning something about self esteem. About self image. I have also lost 18 pounds since then. I need to lose weight, it is also a good thing. I eat right, I work out. Again, good things.

But I wonder, when I reach my goal weight, whatever that may be, how am I going to feel? Will I still feel ” fat ” ?

Let’s have some sanity. Let’s remember what is truly important. If you haven’t checked in on Malena’s blog lately, go see her essay she just wrote on this, it’s good. She knows what’s important. And I am learning.

Thanks for listening.

Sanity and Serenity,
Lorraine